It’s been a while since I posted the last English article. The pace of time had never stopped, even when you didn’t notice it. What thoughts should I leave with this massive but empty place – the Internet where I am just a nobody. But to my relief, I can express whatever I like if I obey some unformal but basic rules. I love this feeling of expressing freely. I wasn’t truly free in the past, even in such a free environment, because my inner self didn’t really seek freedom and to peacefully express my thoughts. I was hoping that I had the chance of being popular or making some profits (even a little), and that was my aim. Today, it seems that I can obtain a more peaceful state of mind when I do free writing. And I started to realize that being peaceful requires effort to practice. It is like any other skill that needs practicing.

Furthermore, through my recent experience, I also realized that being popular and making profits require real value from your work (no matter music or literature). That is not easy for everyone, and not anyone can do it. Success is not only about immeasurable joy but also cruelty.

Today I received some feedback from professional peer groups on my latest song – WHY. They talked about the music arrangement, vocals, and mixing. They directly pointed out the mistakes in the production that occurred in this song. The feedback dampened me at first because I thought it was the best work I could make so far. But I realized the feedback was truthful and professional. I would benefit if I took it seriously and had a proper attitude. Right now, I feel like it’s equally important to gain strength from negative feedback and from positive feedback since life isn’t always successful. We need to embrace our failures and take a proper attitude towards them.

Sometimes, especially recently, I doubt the meaning of doing what I am passionate about, like writing articles, writing poems, and making music. At least so far, I can’t finish a work that is as good quality as professional work and those most outstanding creators. I ask myself, what is the point of doing it if I can’t do it as the most outstanding ones? What is the point of doing it if I can never do it as the most outstanding one? I think the second question may be more destructive. We are usually swallowed by our desire in many circumstances, one of which is we pursue becoming the best in a short period. Seeking a quick success can only lead us to a final ruin or failure. And another thought on answering this question is that we couldn’t give up doing one thing if we could not become the best. In other words, we shouldn’t only pursue being the best, and there are more possibilities than that. For example, we shouldn’t stop doing sports if we cannot become the Olympians.

During my conversation with my mom, I found out that sometimes we like to do things in an “economical” way. A person without a beautifully gifted voice should never start the path of becoming a singer because its sunk cost will be high, and the chance of success is low, plus a high level of risk of failing. But without the opportunity of failing, it is also without the possibility of succeeding. It is like you can never reach the other side if you never start the first step. Is everything in this world can be explained by economics? I don’t think so.

One more thing to say, I don’t demand that my article can bring a lot of thought to other people, and I don’t think I can do so, either. But I hope that practicing writing something like this can help to level up my ability to write in English, organize my thoughts and bring me a little joy.

Life needs joy.